The Active Singles
Community

I want to be honest about what my dating life looked like before Active Singles, because I think a lot of women here will recognise it. I was on one of the big apps for two years. Nice enough people, genuinely. But the moment fitness came up, things got weird. Either they were overenthusiastic in a way that felt performative, or they'd laugh it off and suggest we "just get brunch instead." I cannot tell you how many times I cancelled a Sunday long run for a brunch that didn't lead anywhere.

I joined Active Singles mostly out of stubbornness. I wanted to see if a site actually built around this stuff would feel different. It did. I matched with Jamie within the first week based purely on the fact that we both listed trail running as non-negotiable, both had yoga as our recovery ritual, and both described our ideal Sunday the same way: up at 6, on a trail by 7, coffee and food after, something horizontal by noon whether that's a nap or something better.

He suggested our third date be a 10-mile trail with a big climb in the middle. I said yes before he'd finished the sentence. We were completely filthy, completely out of breath, and absolutely delighted with each other by the end of it. Nine months later and I've deleted every other app I ever had. The chemistry was there from the first message, but honestly? That run is when I knew.

Here's something I've never been able to explain to anyone outside the fitness world. The specific appeal of someone who just gets it. Not someone who supports your lifestyle from a polite distance. Someone who actually lives it. Who understands why you don't drink the week before a big event, why you're in bed by 9:30 on a Tuesday, why a rest day still involves a walk because you can't quite switch it off. That compatibility, the boring, granular, day to day kind is what I couldn't find on a regular dating app. You can't profile-picture your way to it.

I signed up to Active Singles and was half expecting it to be like everywhere else, just with more mentions of macros. It wasn't. The search actually let me find people who trained the same way I did seriously, but not joylessly. I matched with Sophie after she commented on a post I'd put up about a century ride I'd just completed. Her comment was a single word: "Quads?" I replied "destroyed" and we went from there.

Our first date was a two-hour cycle around the lake. She turned up in kit. I've never been more attracted to anyone in my life. We're now seven months in, we've done a sprint triathlon together, and she still beats me in the pool, which I find absolutely insufferable and completely wonderful. Genuinely didn't know a relationship could feel this easy when the foundation is already there.

I coach CrossFit five days a week. I lift heavy things for fun and occasionally for competition. My arms are strong, my schedule is immovable, and I have a very clear idea of what I want from a partner. On mainstream apps, this combination either attracted the wrong kind of attention. Men who turned it into a weird competition or quietly put people off before we'd even spoken. I'd got to the point where I was leaving the coaching part of my job off my profile because it was causing problems. Which is absurd. My job is who I am.

On Active Singles, that changed in the first week. The men I matched with weren't threatened by any of it. They were interested. Marcus sent me the first message I'd ever received that opened with a genuine question about programming rather than something about my body. We talked for three weeks before we met in person and by the time we did I already knew he was going to be important to me. Our first proper date was a partner workout at his box. Reader, I let him win one of the rounds. I am not above that.

Four months in, he's become my favourite person to train with and my favourite person full stop. What I needed was a community where being strong and serious about fitness was attractive rather than alienating. That's exactly what this is. I should have found it two years ago.